Lulls and Blehs

How long do you start a thing before you surrender? Before you feel the aches and pains of who gives a fuck? Not crazy about these feelings of mediocre persistence. Already feeling them after only a few short weeks of that emotional high. Went from 4-Oct-20 sober to 31-Oct-20 sober. Two days now. I suppose I only had a beer and went and made myself throw up pretty hard. Wasted a lot of little smokies that way. Sorry fam.

Don’t give up the fight, isn’t that the immortal message of music memes and money marauders everywhere? It’s so odd to me that people inevitably must experience this emotion and mentality at some point. Still doing some yoga, still skipping, I’m 900 short today, I think it’s the feeling of missing or fucking up for a day that pisses me off more than anything. But maybe that absolutist mentality will doom you; anyone who’s ever quit smoking knows what I’m talking about. You have that one after a week and think “Fuck it” and just pass it off as this “I’ll try again after this pack” mentality. It’s no fucking good fam, you gotta buy that pack, fuck up, have one, throw it away or hand it to the homeless guy hanging around and say fuck that shit, yeah I just fucked up, but never again. Same goes for that netflix, games, and pickle tickle bullshit. Waste of your time, thoughts, and overall energy in my opinion. Reverse is true too. Missed a day, so fucking what? Go do them god damn pushups, and stupid fucking yoga, and swing that little shit jump rope. No excuses, break ankles, who fucking cares. I gotta go push. Hope you do too.